Painful

This is my third draft of this post. The first one has screen-caps of the entire conversation taking place on 3 different people's walls as well as in PMs between me and another person. I originally wrote it that way because I wanted you, my readers, to have all the facts and not just hear my take on the situation. But, I want to focus on the incident, not the people involved, and while I DID blot out all names and replace them with a color attributed to each person, I thought that the dissection was a bit much and did not focus on the point I was trying to make. It focused more on how hurt I was. But I want to use this more to make a point. (Which I will explain at the end.)

This week, I was called a bigoted, know-it-all Mormon who lives to cause Facebook drama and a poor thing that needs more attention at home. I cried for hours, mostly because this came from a person I had wanted to be friends with and had greatly respected. Then I couldn't keep from crying in front of my precious daughter, who wanted nothing more than to help Mommy be happy, and it was this stark contrast of her sweet innocence against these cruel words that made me cry even more for the world to which she will eventually be exposed.

I was called this because I dared to defend the religious rights of a man who believes in the sanctity of marriage, and uses money from his profitable business to support programs that provide marriage counseling and oppose homosexual marriages.

IN THE SAME POST, I defended the right of all people to protest that with which they disagree. If you don't like where a business man puts his money, I say good for you for not giving business to that man/company. Way to stick to your principles.

I respect your right to believe differently than I do. I don't believe anyone should feel ashamed of what they believe in. I respect those who stand up for their beliefs in a civilized way, even when those beliefs are contrary to mine.*

(*I'm sure we could debate what is considered civilized, but that's not the point right now.)

In fact, if I choose to express the fact that I disagree, it's because I think highly of you and believe that you will take my opinion in stride, and hopefully civilly discuss with me our differing viewpoints. I don't just go around saying that I disagree to anyone - that would be ridiculous and cause a lot of anger and arguments.

I don't like arguments. I like to debate, to discuss. It is through the civil, calm presentation of facts and evidence that we can work together to understand each other's views (btw, we can understand without agreeing) and find a compromise that benefits the greater good of our society. Without proper debate of the issues, we may overlook important information that might actually change how we feel or act.

If I were a bigot, I would not be interested in listening to the other side. And I would have probably used some offensive names, or said I was happy with the poor treatment of people..... but I did none of this.

Now, for the issue of being a know-it-all............... I have been called this before, but not really since Jr High. Most people, when they take the time to get to know me, realize that I simply love knowledge and freely impart what I know not to be a show-off, but because correct information provides for appropriate debate. You can't discuss an issue properly unless you have your facts straight. In fact, I am very reluctant to discuss a topic until I feel that I have at least a basic understanding of the issue, and even then I will admit if I have not researched it thoroughly. Topics I feel VERY comfortable discussing? Pregnancy, Natural birth, Education, and Freedom of Religion. That last one is very much because my religion is often bashed - sometimes on all sides! (But, that's a different topic.) I honestly mean well when I share information.

The rest of the statement is clearly a personal attack that was completely uncalled for. I am continually amazed that people think this kind of talk is ever appropriate. It says a lot about the society we live in that we can smear someone's name so easily, just because they chose to say something we disagree with.

Please recognize that the point of me talking about this is not to shame the person who called me these things. I've kept this completely anonymous because I want to talk about the INCIDENT, NOT to talk about the person. Overall, I know she can be a very good person with good intentions -like I said at the beginning, I had wanted to be her friend and I respected her. Clearly I hit a sore spot and somehow provoked her anger. In any case, I hope that you, those who read my blog, will take it this incident to heart and recognize your own sore spots and try to respond with a DEBATE, not an ARGUMENT, and respond with FACTS, not ATTACKS. This is particularly pertinent with the Presidential Election coming. I have plenty of friends on both sides of the issues being discussed this year. Please share your ideas with others! Please encourage friendly, civilized debate about important issues. Use appropriate sources, share correct information. Don't go calling names and getting angry that someone disagrees with you.